Eat like Elvis in Edinburgh

We at Itchy are wishing that a psycho in a lab coat would whisk us off to an era where there was no childhood obesity epidemic, no Diet Coke and those over 30 stone were the subject of sitcoms and freak shows, not disturbing documentaries.

A time in which we could beat The King himself to champion of the eating stakes.

What better way to start your day of artery-punishment than with a gargantuan Biggest Breakfast (or three) in the celebrated Snax café? With branches across Edinburgh, you'll never have far to drag your gelatinous rump for their generous lashings of fried happiness.

By the time you've puffed and sweated your way up to the Royal Mile, your grease levels will be running dangerous low. Luckily, Wannaburger is at hand, cooking up some of the most irresponsibly hefty burgers this side of Vegas. Elvis may have wolfed down five in a sitting but it takes a real pro to handle any more than one of these jaw-breakingly huge sandwiches.

They say that behind every great man, there's a great woman. And if your better half (eighteenth if we're talking fractions) is anything like Priscilla, greasy spoons and burger joints won't cut it for a dinner date. We're talking Michelin-starred restaurants, not hit singles. Lofty and luxurious, the food here will impress even the most sophisticated first lady of rock 'n' roll while you gorge yourself on Rump of Lamb and Banana Parfait.

After all that hard work, you might want to cut loose and party like The King. You're in luck if legendary touring club night, Vegas is in town, featuring tacky suits, big bands and blackjack. Of course, post-club appetites need to be satisfied, so hop in a taxi and hit up Oven Fresh Bakery in Tollcross for a few 4am pies.

At the end of the day, all that food will inevitably have to go somewhere. Itchy recommends taking a willing and medically qualified friend to the toilet to act as a supervisor. Wouldn't want that Presley tribute going a little too far now, would we?

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